Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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