Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
