I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
