i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
