My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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