i already hear my dad disowning me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
