Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
