That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
