I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
