it hurts more in the daytime
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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