Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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