hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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