We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
