Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
