i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
