omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
