This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
