I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
