woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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