Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
