he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
is that a dick in a sweater?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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