watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
