She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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