One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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