I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
