i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
