Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
