worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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