I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
