Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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