So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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