K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
