If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
