girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
