Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
