We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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