two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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