Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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