the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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