I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
