a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
