She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
