Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
