So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
