fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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