i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We're too hungover to prance.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
