bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
