I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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