mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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