I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
