im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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