Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
