You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
